Timeshare Personification

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It’s possible to personify the characteristics of many things that aren’t necessarily human. You know this, of course. Many cartoon characters are personified animals. Mickey, for example, is an anthropomorphic mouse. Some interior designers even use a kind of personification process to decorate distinctive rooms or areas of a home. The room is supposed to take on a character of its own, compatible with the type of people who are likely to spend time there. Thus, you wouldn’t decorate a powder room for some dude named Brutus. No, we already met Brutus in a previous blog. He belongs in a hunting lodge, or perhaps the trophy room. Brutus the brute. Think of Popeye’s nemesis, perpetually imperiling Olive Oil.

In fact, if the trophy room had a name, it would be Brutus. The room would be dark and dank, like Brutus’ hair and demeanor. The furniture would be of tattered leather, kind of like Brutus’ weathered scalp.  The floors would be covered with be furry bear rugs, similar to the brute’s hairy arms.

Now, what if a timeshare were a person (?), relative to a say, a standard condominium, or a single family home.  What would he or she look like?

Let’s start with the single standard condo. It’s a little sliver of a high rise skyscraper, a little cross section. Horizontal, mainly, and usually rectangular or even square. One of many, stock dwellings, aggregated. Even though they may differ dramatically from one building to the next in quality and décor, they still fit in naturally with others of their kind. At the risk of mixing metaphors, they’re like birds of a feather. Sociable, conforming.

You can’t help but think of Wally Cleaver. He looks, thinks, and feels like social conformity personified. Wally is the “all-American” boy. He’s popular with parents and peers like. Heck, even his teachers like him. He letters in three sports.  He doesn’t need much of an excuse to don that  letter jacket, either, even when it’s not that cold. Wally is upwardly mobile. He works after school to buy a car.

He’s been around the block a time or two, so he’s able to put Ward’s fatherly advice into kidspeak for Beaver. Thus, he’s a go-between Beaver on the ground floor, and Ward and June  in the penthouse.

And so we have our foundation, the standard condominium, Wally Cleaver.  Now take that basic unit, Wally, and twist him a bit. Make him kind of snarky, a little duplicitous. He looks a lot like the standard unit. You can’t really put your finger on it, but now there’s just something about him you don’t quite trust. And there you have it, the timeshare personified, Eddie Haskell.

Eddie is the archetypical sycophant.  He’ll stop at nothing to curry favor with the adults. He’s well groomed, and exceedingly polite, fawning even.  But scrape just beneath that obsequious façade. You discover a character that’s as sneaky as he is snarky. Bullying Beaver, putting sugar in Lumpy’s gas tank – these are just a couple of Eddie’s exploits.

Likewise, the timeshare has all the appearance of institutional propriety. It looks, smells, and feels like a standard resort. And not just the bricks and mortar. There’s also the glossy literature, professional management, customer service, the works. Heck, the company may even be publicly traded, as on flippin’ Wall Street.

And then there’s the professional sales staff. Man are they good. So earnest, so sincere. They look you right in the eye. And so its patrons are reassured, but lured, subtly. They would swear up and down that it’s Wally Cleaver himself, right there in the sales room, personally pitching to them, pitching for them, really. Surely he’ll go straight to the dugout, right after the pitch, grab a handle, and come right out to the plate. He’ll be just as good a hitter, if not better, than he was a pitcher. And he’ll be going to bat for them, his patrons. Not some opposing team.

And so now Wally’s done pitching. And he was good. Really good. The ace of the rotation.

And he’s gone to the dugout. But wait a minute…., what’s this (?)… who is this, actually,  coming out of the dugout? And why is he coming out of the other dugout. He saunters slowly over to the plate.  He’s actually swaggering now. No, this is not Wally at all. You never thought, never dreamed, but there he is, in the flesh, right there taking his stance in the batter’s box, its none other than Eddie Haskell!

If you’re reading this, the chances are that you’ve been duped by Eddie. You’d like to trade him to another team, or even put him on waivers. Cancel his sorry arse, any which way you can. Feel free to call us free of charge. We’ll discuss you legal options.

 

Learn More about the Timeshare Lawyer who has you in mind at www.aaronsonlawgroup.com

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