How Timeshares Really Happened

If you ‘google’ the word timeshare, Wikipedia will tell you that the first timeshares were created in the early 1970s. This is not true. The first timeshares were actually created in prehistoric times by Neolithic homo-sapiens, specifically Cro-Magnon men. Keep reading to learn more about how timeshares really happened. 

Og, a prominent resident of an African Rift Valley, and the alpha male of his tribe, lived there with his wife, children, and concubines. Their home consisted of a cavern with dozens of distinct chambers carved out of limestone by the leaching of water through eons of time. Having established himself as clan leader, he took over the largest cave chamber. He then instituted a system of homage whereby his clan members would pledge a portion of their kill to him. In return, they were able to occupy certain designated chambers of the cavern, on a continual basis, throughout the year. The best hunters even received animal hides, with a ‘chart’ of sorts, etched in blood, reflecting exactly which cave chambers they ‘owned’.

This arrangement made things, if not exactly comfortable, at least a lot better than sleeping under a rock. The clan spent more time inside enjoying barbequed mammoth and less time on the tracking trail, wandering endlessly from kill to kill.

But things got so safe and prosperous that the clan members began to multiply, and eventually ran out of room in the cave. Under Og’s system of homage, those members offering the least sizeable kills were ousted, and went back to sleeping outside. The hides were revoked, and a ‘points’ system was instituted, 50 points for a squirrel, 500 for a yak, and so on, up to 20,000 points for a mastodon, the mother–load.

Many of Og’s subordinates reverted to hardship, eating only what little was left of the carcass pledged to Og. Attrition from the cold and harsh elements also took its toll, and the number of clansmen began to dwindle. But Og, for his part, became more and more prosperous, stockpiling dried meat by the ton, and even hanging trophy beasts‘ busts from the cavern walls.

Most of the clan members were relegated to one visit, or ‘vacation’, into a single cave chamber, per year, while Og took over the rest of the cavern. Tribal morale began to drop. Often the ‘accommodations’ were less than promised, as stains from cooked animal fat accumulated, and graffiti covered cave paintings of triumphant mammoth kills during happier times.

Whispers of an impending cavern coup began to circulate, polarizing the tribe, as clansmen pitted off one against the next, swearing allegiance to Og, or his chief rival, Gor. Gor promised to spread the wealth around and open the caves back up, share and share alike, to all that would support him. Eventually, under cover of night, Gor and his henchmen snuck in, and gored Og with a broken mammoth tusk. Gor was proclaimed leader, and he and his henchmen thrived. Former Og pledges fled, taking to the mountains, and eventually starving in the winter of the barren wasteland.

Back in the caves, there was just enough room for all. The hide system was reestablished, the dried meat distributed, and life became comfortable once more. But history has a way of repeating itself.